Merry Christmas Shopping

Here’s a poem my friend Kate’s uncle, Barrie Armstrong, swears he found on a supermarket floor about this time last year.

Christmas list

toilet rolls
cat food
bin bags
light bulb

There’s nothing I need add to this. But I do want to say that I think the last line is an absolute killer in so many ways. Chapeau, unknown shopper for basics.

(With apologies to my more alert readers who may remember it from January this year on this blog. But then, they may not be trying to stage an ‘adequately fun’ Christmas for four children. That’s why they’re alert. If they are involved in Christmas with children in any quantity, then they’ve won. Official. Father Christmas loves you the most.)

I wish all of you, even the organised and competent, of who I’m deeply jealous and in awe, a very merry time this Christmas and New Year. And, I thank you all,  the razer sharp, the comfortably comatose and everyone in between, for sticking with me this far.


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10 comments on “Merry Christmas Shopping
  1. Pseu says:

    made your cake yet? 🙂

  2. Cathy Dreyer says:

    1) We are having a log using marshmallow fluff for snow *smug face*
    2) Pleeeeez post your poem on my blog here ….

    and, thank you, lovely Sarah, for all your comments xxx

    • Pseu says:

      You may regret asking!

      What do you think of when you think of Christmas?
      Is it the fancy eats and sweetie treats
      in mouth watering an-ti-ci-pa-tion?
      Or is it the gluttony of Christmas that springs to mind?
      Thoughts of our out-sized,
      slouch-on-the-couch nation,
      engorging in the felicitations?

      And when you think of the sound of Christmas,
      do you think of the beauty of a choir,
      singing mass at the mid-night hour?
      Or the distorted sounds as ‘Rotary’ goes around
      shaking tins on damp December afternoons,
      with an elderly man shouting a thin “ho-ho-ho,”
      lost inside the outsized Santa suit?

      What do you see in your minds eye
      when you think of Christmas?
      Do you think of the delicate twinkling tree,
      lovingly lit and trimmed by all the family?
      or the over-dressed glittery, shop windows
      and the grotesque, far-from-dainty street decorations
      put up in October half-term,
      taken down, perhaps, in time for Easter celebrations?

      Maybe you think of giving?
      Bringing joy with your gift of a toy,
      carefully chosen, wrapped and sent, all savings spent?
      Or is this sentiment lost
      in greedy commercialism?
      When every child is asked to produce a list
      and every shop sells gifts of badly-made-tat
      to fill the stockings of each ungrateful brat.

      What about the scent of Christmas?
      Do you think of hand made oranges-stuck-with-cloves,
      and hot mulled-wine which wafts to your nose,
      mixed with pine needles, and warm mince pies,
      and the smell of wood smoke that gets in your eyes?
      But no, with Christmas trees made from plastic and wire,
      and central heating (not a real log fire) and no time for making –
      instead there’s the faking of the real Christmas smell
      sprayed from a can which M&S sell.

      But think of the excitement of Christmas…..
      the thought of finding, with wriggling toes
      a stuffed Christmas stocking…
      and thoughts of, the possibility of, “What if it snows?”
      And the thrill of seeing all those relations,
      not seen since last year, (at Auntie Flo’s)
      not since the last blazing row about…. ah well – who remembers what?
      Another year flown, another marker for how we age,
      see how the children have grown, since last time.

  3. Larissa says:

    You should see my poem – booze & chocolate in vast quantities!
    Happy Christmas to you all. xx

  4. Cathy Dreyer says:

    Larissa, I would love to see your poem. I feel a new version of the 12 days of Christmas coming on … Cathy x

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