Angella Haloumni is one of the most original voices in cyberspace. She’s a good friend and longstanding hand-holder to me in my slow first steps into what is very much her world despite the fact that English is not her first language. I am delighted that she has agreed to guest on my blog with a post of dos and don’ts for new bloggers.
Why not blog
- Really darlings just don’t do it, okay? The blogosphere is crowd, you know I mean? So Much Words and really darlings mostly – I can’t say what is mostly. Or I can, if you call me up and I could whisper the words but I am not giving number. Sorry. No offence really darlings.
- So okay you’re ignoring my first piece advice. It’s not great start. Even I can’t to tell you what to do and sure sure sure it little hypocritical to stop you doing what thing I do myself me. And really darlings no one want to look like anything beginning hypo, you know I mean.
- So, blogging. Have good name. Sorry, Cathy, you are nice lady, but writeanovelin10minutesfat is not so good. Call me, we can discuss. So I can whisper the words. No just joke! But name is bad. Serious.
- But have good name. Really darlings. How hard this can be? Even all strange wierdos can have easy, cool names. Try something like my blog. In English this is CountingUpNewTypings.Com. This is triple ‘l’ brillliant name because it encompas my theory and philophy of our world. So, only peoples wishing to know CountingUpNewTypings will visit and take energies from my careful select words. This can help with Searching Engine Optimism.
- Contents. This not necessary. Readers can know what they are reading from reading. Who is needing a table? Especially now with Kindles and so the rest.
- Stuff you write. Don’t write your life. Who care you researching atomics or having information about curing cancers? It is thoughts which is matter. Just thoughts. You see a beautiful sun (don’t look, your eyes will be hurt) but when you see sideways the beautiful sun, just write that it look like God above send his angels down in pink polysowester dresses for making complex dance. That how it go. See?
- No pictures. You can do Pin-boring. Go! Go there. Leave to expert thinkkers the words.
- When you are taking my picture it’s like you are killing me. It is dead thing and one day I will be dead. This makes me cry and is bumming me.
- Don’t speak with peoples leaving comets. Who are they? What do they know? Probably they are bored prize-winning writers who maybe know how to sleep in beds with journalisms. They need lesson that not every single word coming out their brains and other places can have attentions. Your thoughts are your thoughts. They need no adding. Periodical. Except when you are asking questions or needing datas.
- Never never never speak sex talk. Peoples simply not care about sex in my life.
- Only your blog is for selling things. Your words, really darlings. Let’s be honest. You want money. Just ask them. They will give even you don’t write much. It save time. Be honest to your reader. He love honest.
- PS I know was ten, but this one really important and I forgetting before: Don’t be NICE. Is too much nice. Yuck. Make me feel sick like big vanilla sponge cake all cream.
- Don’t let too much peoples have your blog address. This is making more hard works for you with comets, know I mean? I’m tell Cathy she is not printing this address.
Good luck darlings. I know you are all triple ‘l’ brillliant but sorry I am not having energy to respond every your thinkkings.