how not to write a novel


This is a subject on which I am a world authority. After many years of not writing a novel I have distilled my expertise into a routine which guarantees no novel will be written:

  1. Take kids to school
  2. Do exercise (to remain slim and unpublished)
  3. Walk dog
  4. Eat something (to foil exercise)
  5. Eat something else (to make sure)
  6. Cup of tea
  7. Check emails
  8. Think about writing and feel quite scared
  9. Dither between assignment and novel
  10. Choose one
  11. Answer phone and have long chat with friend about mutual friends
  12. Update blog
  13. Check emails again
  14. Attempt to write outline of putative novel but wonder throughout what an outline is and whether I am doing it right …
  15. Eat something
  16. Collect kids from school

Just follow this handy 16 point plan with no memorable acronyms and you too will remain completely free of publications.

Cathy x

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized
4 comments on “how not to write a novel
  1. Perhaps we could publish a book on ‘A Novelist’s Guide: Handy Displacement Activities for Avoiding Writing’
    Sure to be a bestseller.

  2. Tanya says:

    I know that list so well but also doesn’t the time go so very very fast, just starting to get going by 3pm and could work till midnight or 3am if I was 21 again…

  3. kate says:

    A transferable list …displacement activities for artists too!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 5,638 other followers

Archives
%d bloggers like this: