how not to write a novel

This is a subject on which I am a world authority. After many years of not writing a novel I have distilled my expertise into a routine which guarantees no novel will be written:

  1. Take kids to school
  2. Do exercise (to remain slim and unpublished)
  3. Walk dog
  4. Eat something (to foil exercise)
  5. Eat something else (to make sure)
  6. Cup of tea
  7. Check emails
  8. Think about writing and feel quite scared
  9. Dither between assignment and novel
  10. Choose one
  11. Answer phone and have long chat with friend about mutual friends
  12. Update blog
  13. Check emails again
  14. Attempt to write outline of putative novel but wonder throughout what an outline is and whether I am doing it right …
  15. Eat something
  16. Collect kids from school

Just follow this handy 16 point plan with no memorable acronyms and you too will remain completely free of publications.

Cathy x

Posted in Uncategorized
4 comments on “how not to write a novel
  1. Perhaps we could publish a book on ‘A Novelist’s Guide: Handy Displacement Activities for Avoiding Writing’
    Sure to be a bestseller.

  2. Tanya says:

    I know that list so well but also doesn’t the time go so very very fast, just starting to get going by 3pm and could work till midnight or 3am if I was 21 again…

  3. kate says:

    A transferable list …displacement activities for artists too!

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